August 22, 2006

Baby to Be or Not to Be?

Because of our “oops” moment a week ago, I’m starting to anticipate this whole pregnancy business. I can’t help but wonder what the results will be, so much so, that I bought a pregnancy test. But I can’t bring myself to pee on the stick yet.

Call me crazy, but I can’t take the test until I’m comfortable with the results, either way. Isn’t that the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard?

Part of me really wants to have another baby. I always dreamed of having 5 children. I don’t think I’ll have that many, but I dream about it sometimes. I came from a big family. It’s just “normal” to me. My yearning for another baby became concrete in church on Sunday when I saw a co-worker and his family sitting in the front pew.

Joe works as an actuary at my company and his wife Wendy was pregnant with their fourth child the same time I was pregnant with Dawson. 18 months later, she had their fifth child. I can’t imagine having 5 children so close, back-to-back, but yet part of me wishes I could be that blessed. So, as I’m in church with my little one, I notice that Wendy is pregnant with their sixth child. I know that I will never have more than four kids (okay, more than 3 if Doug has it his way)…and I keep thinking if I wait too long to have another, I might have to go through all the fertility problems that I did with Dawson. This makes me hope and pray the result will be positive.

But then, there’s this part of me that realizes what the financial impact of a second child will cause, and this makes me wish the result is negative. This feeling is immediately followed by the Catholic guilt I was raised with. The guilt that tells me it’s wrong to wish to not be pregnant because I promised God that I’d accept children openly. Then the guilt is followed by uncertainties, followed by the realization that this is out of my control and God will make the right choice for me and my husband. And then I feel sad, because if the result is negative, I will be crushed.

If I am not crazy now…

Ugh.

Someone tell me how to feel, I can’t decide on my own.

August 19, 2006

Rollercoasters of Death, According to Mom

“This is the true story, of seven family members, picked to travel in an RV, on their way to Six Flags Great America, to find out what happens, when they stop being polite, and start getting real. The Real World.”

(Okay, a little over the top for an intro, but I kind of like it. Hey! I couldn’t think of anything more creative! Four hour drive each way and you bet your ass we were on edge!)

On Thursday, my father loaded up his motor home and took us to Great America in Gurnee, Illinois. We departed at 6 a.m. and the fun began. Dad drove, Mom sat in the dinette and proceed to dictate safer driving methods. My brother Frankie slept on the top bunk above the “cockpit” for most of the way, occasionally shouting obscenities under his breath because we were all too loud. My sister Rachel complained she had an upset stomach and told us all to “stop effing pissing me off or I’ll kick your asses.” My brother Nathan read GQ magazine (and my mother kept lecturing about the cover’s story lines about a phone-sex addict. “Why are you reading TRASH! She’d say to him.) I sat in one of the extra swivel chairs and held Dawson who was fussy because he wanted to sit on his Poppa’s lap. Eventually, Dad let him “drive” and I was freakin’ out for twenty minutes. Finally we crashed in the back bed to sleep and make funny faces at the semi-trucks behind us.

We stopped in Milwaukee and I offered to drive. My father taught me how to drive the big rig. Let me just say that RV’s have a different center of gravity and they like to sway. That ws kind of creepy. Me driving an RV. Doug would have been so proud. Too bad he had to work. Driving in the big city was a bit scary, but I survived! Just outside Milwaukee, Dad and I traded again because Dawson was crabby.

We managed to get through some road construction, long Illinois tollbooths and avoided some traffic accidents. When we finally arrived at the amusement park it was 11:45 and my dad was a little irritated that we didn’t get at the park right at 10 a.m. when they opened. This turned out okay, though, because many of the rides weren’t operating until Noon.

My parents took Dawson to Camp Looney Tunes and Cartoon Network Land, while my brothers, sister and I went on some rollercoasters. We went on the Raging Bull, The Viper, The Whizzer (only because there was no line) and then headed over to Super Man (this ride ROCKED!) My Rachel and Frankie had never been on a rollercoaster before and were extremely pissed when I failed to mention some of the rides go upside down. But they loved it (they just wanted to give me a hard time). After Super Man, Nathan dragged us to Vertical Velocity (V2) because he’d been on it several years ago. He lied to me. He told me I’d love it and that it wasn’t scary. Yeah RIGHT. Freakin’ almost lost my cookies. It was like being on rubberband. I can’t even describe the feeling! I do know I was a little yucky after that.

We met up with my parents and swapped Dawson. Nate took Dad on the V2 and even he hated it. Good to know I came from that tree. I took Dawson on a few pint-sized rides and it started to rain so we all went back to the RV to get my mom who had been taking a nap. Nathan decided to sleep for awhile so that he could drive home later. The rest of us decided to take Mom on a few coasters. We planned it so we could all stand in line at the same time and just swap Dawson once the other half of our party came back from their turn.

We took Mom on the American Eagle first. She asked me, “Will my teeth fall out on this ride?” Of course I said no, and she asked me, “Are you suuuuuuuure?” She was that scared. She closed her eyes the entire time.

Being the smart ass that I am, after the Eagle I said, “Mom, let’s go on the Iron Wolf. It’ll be fun.” She didn’t argue. She just asked if it the ride goes upside down. “Not that I remember.” I said. Just as we got on the Iron Wolf, the ride in which you stand up inside a harness, she asked me, “You promise it won’t go upside down?” I just smiled and said, “I promise you won’t die.”

As the ride started my poor unsuspecting mother thought she was in for a fun time, and then we went on the first upside down loop. Suddenly I hear yelling coming from my dear mom next to me. “Aaaaaaarrrrreeee yooooooooouuuuuuuu TRYING TO KIILLLLLL MEEEEEEEEEEEE???”

I couldn’t stop laughing. I’m cruel. I’m vicious. A minute later the ride ended. We got out of our harnesses and she looked at me and said, “You lied! Liar! I’m telling your father.” I was still laughing. My brother and sister were laughing. Rachel told my mom, “She didn’t lie. She promised you wouldn’t die. You’re alive.” Mom looked at her as we walked toward my dad, “You’re evil. All of you. I think I’m sick. I’m too old for this.”

Dad asked Mom how her ride was and she said to him, “I can’t believe you didn’t warn me about these evil children we have. They took me on the rollercoasters of death!” To make her feel better, Dawson and I took her on Scoobie Doo’s magic mystery bus. She seemed to like that one better. I think I’m out of the will, by the way.

After 10 long hours of rides and fun, we headed home. All of tired and cranky and fighting over who was sleeping where in the motor home. We saw a terrible traffic accident just outside the park and instantly Mom started with her Hail Mary’s. The last thing I remember is falling asleep with Dawson and waking up when Nathan (who drove home half way) dropped us off at our house at 12:30 a.m.

It was a great time! Pictures should be up at Flickr soon!

August 17, 2006

I Feel Fine…Talkin’ ‘Bout Peace of Mind

Ha! Peace of mind my ass. Oh damn it. That was a terrible pun. I’m rambling again.

Never again, can I get the flu. But if I do get the flu, never again is my dear, sweet, loving, adorable husband allowed to take a day off from work to take care of me so that WE can take care of Dawson.

Why, you ask?

Because, as soon as I feel better, I become all grateful and lovey and thankful that he did take care of me. This usually entails me getting my energy back and well, ummm, err….getting frisky. (Mom, if you’re reading this, I promise, I was a good Catholic girl.)

And because I was in the mood, I agreed to say, “Thank you” to my loving husband by agreeing to unprotected sex. This was also because I just had my monthly business and there’s no way I was getting pregnant. Especially when it took so long to conceive Dawson.

Boy, oh boy am I an idiot. Last night after our “risky business”, Doug and I were just cuddling and suddenly I sprang out of bed.

“Oh my God! My GOD!” I said very loudly.

“What?” he asked me. He had this confused look on his face. This signals me that he has no idea what I’m about to say. That, or he’s just so satisfied from our….(SHUT UP DANA, you’re mother is probably reading this…)

“I was just lying there thinking…..and OH MY GOD!”

“What? WHAT???? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“My first day of my last period was August 1st. And so that means……and we just……and YOU just…..and….Oh SHIT.” I yelled and immediately started jumping up and down.

“Dana, I love you, but you’re really fucking crazy. What the HELL are you gol’ damned doing?” He asked, sitting up in bed.

“I’m making it harder for THEM to get to THAT.” I pointed to my lower abdomen.

“Okay, stop jumping and tell me what’s going on. It’s too late for me to play guessing games.”

“Doooouuuuug,” I said longly. “Ovulation usually happens between days 12 and 18 and it’s day 17 of my cycle. Which MEANS I COULD get pregnant and I don’t know what I was thinking. I swear my period was over a more recently and that we had more days….” I stopped and looked at him. He had his eyes closed and his hand over his forehead.

“So, you’re saying…….Oh shit.”

“Uh huh! So I’m jumping to kind of shake things out!”

If you were a fly on the wall, I can only imagine you laughing your ass off at this situation.

If I’m with child in a few weeks, I’m SOOOOOO blaming Dawson for getting me sick and making me delirious which led me to forget to control my urges once I’m well again.

Maybe the rollercoasters at Six Flags and all that gravity will prevent those tad poles from reaching my lily pad. What do you think?

August 16, 2006

Close to Healthy Again

“I think I’m going to be sick…”

After 2 1/2 days of flu and flippin’ crankiness, Dawson and I are 50% better. I’m no longer suffering from projectile actions on any end of my body and Dawson is able to keep his beloved “trackas” (crackers) down. This is a good sign. Tomorrow we head to Six Flags Great America in Illinois. I haven’t been there in 10 years. Ten long years ago. Ugh. I’m getting old.

Instead of being a young, hip, vibrant girl enjoying the Viper at a theme park, I will be the young, slightly plump 27-year-old mother of an almost two year old, enjoying all the pint-sized rides in Camp Cartoon Network and Looney Toon Land. Not that I mind. I really don’t mind. I just can’t help but reminisce the last time I was at Great America.

It was my junior year of high school and my physics class was on this field trip as part of a lesson in velocity. Our teacher, Mr. Weidner was cool like that. In fact every day as we entered the physics lab, he had really awesome tunes by Jim Croce and The Hollies. One day he played the song, “His future’s so bright he’s gotta wear shades” or whatever the title is. That was part of a lesson on the sun or something. See, I never really paid attention in physics because I sat by a really cute guy named Seth Jacquin. I thought he was a hottie.

Oh God. I can’t believe I’m admitting that. I can only imagine if the people I went to high school with see this. (Choking with laughter as I write this.) Or even better, if someone Googles his name and finds my blog. Should I erase this? Or just take a risk? Ahh…what the hell, might as well try to be that young, vibrant girl again, right?

So anyway, Seth was a hottie. I sat next him because our seats were assigned alphabetically. And he was always a very nice guy. And there was something about him that made me giddy. To this day I can’t place it, but when I think about those old days at SPASH, that same feeling keeps flooding back. Man. I sound like a dork. But as Mocha says, “Geek is the new hot.”

So, okay. I’m shutting up now. I will take lots of pictures!! Happy Wednesday.