August 22, 2006
Baby to Be or Not to Be?
Because of our “oops” moment a week ago, I’m starting to anticipate this whole pregnancy business. I can’t help but wonder what the results will be, so much so, that I bought a pregnancy test. But I can’t bring myself to pee on the stick yet.
Call me crazy, but I can’t take the test until I’m comfortable with the results, either way. Isn’t that the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard?
Part of me really wants to have another baby. I always dreamed of having 5 children. I don’t think I’ll have that many, but I dream about it sometimes. I came from a big family. It’s just “normal” to me. My yearning for another baby became concrete in church on Sunday when I saw a co-worker and his family sitting in the front pew.
Joe works as an actuary at my company and his wife Wendy was pregnant with their fourth child the same time I was pregnant with Dawson. 18 months later, she had their fifth child. I can’t imagine having 5 children so close, back-to-back, but yet part of me wishes I could be that blessed. So, as I’m in church with my little one, I notice that Wendy is pregnant with their sixth child. I know that I will never have more than four kids (okay, more than 3 if Doug has it his way)…and I keep thinking if I wait too long to have another, I might have to go through all the fertility problems that I did with Dawson. This makes me hope and pray the result will be positive.
But then, there’s this part of me that realizes what the financial impact of a second child will cause, and this makes me wish the result is negative. This feeling is immediately followed by the Catholic guilt I was raised with. The guilt that tells me it’s wrong to wish to not be pregnant because I promised God that I’d accept children openly. Then the guilt is followed by uncertainties, followed by the realization that this is out of my control and God will make the right choice for me and my husband. And then I feel sad, because if the result is negative, I will be crushed.
If I am not crazy now…
Ugh.
Someone tell me how to feel, I can’t decide on my own.
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August 22nd, 2006 at 9:14 AM, Guinevere Says:
I hate to say it, but what you’re feeling is completely normal!
S But, if it’s any consolation, I know that you are going to be thrilled if it’s positive. ;o) I would be! 
)
August 23rd, 2006 at 12:04 AM, Hothousemomma Says:
Either way it will all work out. I keep thinking I am pregnant (not wanting or planning to be) and keep peeing on sticks. Maybe I have phantom pregnancy symptoms. It drives me nuts. All in my little head…. so now, I’m crazy. Shh don’t tell anyone.
August 23rd, 2006 at 2:21 PM, Dana Says:
Thank for the support ladies! It means a great deal to me!
Guinivere, I sometimes feel like things are crazy all the time!
HHMomma, you got any extra peeing sticks over there?
August 23rd, 2006 at 4:18 PM, Mominator Says:
Hey girl, I saw a commercial last night and thought of you. It was for a pregnancy test that can give results five days BEFORE you are to START your period. Now that is lightnin’ fast!
had to share
Sue
August 23rd, 2006 at 9:02 PM, mommaobrienx7 Says:
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