August 19, 2006
Rollercoasters of Death, According to Mom
“This is the true story, of seven family members, picked to travel in an RV, on their way to Six Flags Great America, to find out what happens, when they stop being polite, and start getting real. The Real World.”
(Okay, a little over the top for an intro, but I kind of like it. Hey! I couldn’t think of anything more creative! Four hour drive each way and you bet your ass we were on edge!)
On Thursday, my father loaded up his motor home and took us to Great America in Gurnee, Illinois. We departed at 6 a.m. and the fun began. Dad drove, Mom sat in the dinette and proceed to dictate safer driving methods.
My brother Frankie slept on the top bunk above the “cockpit” for most of the way, occasionally shouting obscenities under his breath because we were all too loud.
My sister Rachel complained she had an upset stomach and told us all to “stop effing pissing me off or I’ll kick your asses.”
My brother Nathan read GQ magazine (and my mother kept lecturing about the cover’s story lines about a phone-sex addict. “Why are you reading TRASH! She’d say to him.)
I sat in one of the extra swivel chairs and held Dawson who was fussy because he wanted to sit on his Poppa’s lap. Eventually, Dad let him “drive” and I was freakin’ out for twenty minutes. Finally we crashed in the back bed to sleep and make funny faces at the semi-trucks behind us.
We stopped in Milwaukee and I offered to drive. My father taught me how to drive the big rig. Let me just say that RV’s have a different center of gravity and they like to sway. That ws kind of creepy. Me driving an RV. Doug would have been so proud. Too bad he had to work. Driving in the big city was a bit scary, but I survived! Just outside Milwaukee, Dad and I traded again because Dawson was crabby.
We managed to get through some road construction, long Illinois tollbooths and avoided some traffic accidents. When we finally arrived at the amusement park it was 11:45 and my dad was a little irritated that we didn’t get at the park right at 10 a.m. when they opened. This turned out okay, though, because many of the rides weren’t operating until Noon.
My parents took Dawson to Camp Looney Tunes and Cartoon Network Land, while my brothers, sister and I went on some rollercoasters. We went on the Raging Bull, The Viper, The Whizzer (only because there was no line) and then headed over to Super Man (this ride ROCKED!).
Rachel and Frankie had never been on a rollercoaster before and were extremely pissed when I failed to mention some of the rides go upside down. But they loved it (they just wanted to give me a hard time).
After Super Man, Nathan dragged us to Vertical Velocity (V2) because he’d been on it several years ago. He lied to me. He told me I’d love it and that it wasn’t scary. Yeah RIGHT. Freakin’ almost lost my cookies. It was like being on rubberband. I can’t even describe the feeling! I do know I was a little yucky after that.
We met up with my parents and swapped Dawson. Nate took Dad on the V2 and even he hated it. Good to know I came from that tree. I took Dawson on a few pint-sized rides and it started to rain so we all went back to the RV to get my mom who had been taking a nap. Nathan decided to sleep for awhile so that he could drive home later. The rest of us decided to take Mom on a few coasters. We planned it so we could all stand in line at the same time and just swap Dawson once the other half of our party came back from their turn.
We took Mom on the American Eagle first. She asked me, “Will my teeth fall out on this ride?” Of course I said no, and she asked me, “Are you suuuuuuuure?” She was that scared. She closed her eyes the entire time.
Being the smart ass that I am, after the Eagle I said, “Mom, let’s go on the Iron Wolf. It’ll be fun.” She didn’t argue. She just asked if it the ride goes upside down. “Not that I remember.” I said. Just as we got on the Iron Wolf, the ride in which you stand up inside a harness, she asked me, “You promise it won’t go upside down?” I just smiled and said, “I promise you won’t die.”
As the ride started my poor unsuspecting mother thought she was in for a fun time, and then we went on the first upside down loop. Suddenly I hear yelling coming from my dear mom next to me. “Aaaaaaarrrrreeee yooooooooouuuuuuuu TRYING TO KIILLLLLL MEEEEEEEEEEEE???”
I couldn’t stop laughing. I’m cruel. I’m vicious. A minute later the ride ended. We got out of our harnesses and she looked at me and said, “You lied! Liar! I’m telling your father.” I was still laughing. My brother and sister were laughing. Rachel told my mom, “She didn’t lie. She promised you wouldn’t die. You’re alive.” Mom looked at her as we walked toward my dad, “You’re evil. All of you. I think I’m sick. I’m too old for this.”
Dad asked Mom how her ride was and she said to him, “I can’t believe you didn’t warn me about these evil children we have. They took me on the rollercoasters of death!” To make her feel better, Dawson and I took her on Scoobie Doo’s magic mystery bus. She seemed to like that one better. I think I’m out of the will, by the way.
After 10 long hours of rides and fun, we headed home. All of tired and cranky and fighting over who was sleeping where in the motor home. We saw a terrible traffic accident just outside the park and instantly Mom started with her Hail Mary’s. The last thing I remember is falling asleep with Dawson and waking up when Nathan (who drove home half way) dropped us off at our house at 12:30 a.m.
It was a great time! Pictures should be up at Flickr soon!
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August 21st, 2006 at 9:25 PM, mommaobrienx7 Says:
Sounds like a fun time! We used to live about an hour from that six flags and went several times. It’s a fun place.
August 21st, 2006 at 9:42 PM, Dana Says:
I had a great time! I really want to go back!
August 22nd, 2006 at 4:35 AM, clair Says:
Oooh, I tend to agree with your mom, Dana LOL. You’re a brave girl *hats off*. The standing-up ones?!! Yikes!!