April 27, 2006

Mommy Wars or Women’s Wars??

I was reading this and that, and I wonder: When will women be celebrated for making choices that best suit them instead of being forced to do what society expects of them?

I remember watching an episode of Dr. Phil when I was on maternity leave. The topic was Moms Who Work vs. Moms Who Stay Home. I was suffering from the “baby blues” and I became very angry and sad to see Dr. Phil of all people hosting this show that encouraged moms to “duke it out” over their viewpoints. I felt enraged. So what if one mother chooses to have a career as well as be a parent. So what if another mother chooses to stay home with her children. Who are WE to judge what another woman does? We have no right to force our opinions on others. Whether it be about politics, religion, sex or parenthood; what right is it of mine to say, “Your method sucks, you should really do this!”

I consider myself to be a feminist. I vote for women who stand up for themselves and do what they want rather than what they “should” do. The “shoulds” really piss me off. (Yes, I said piss– deal with it.) All my life I was told I “should” go to college. I “should not” have sex before marriage. I “should” go to church every Sunday. I “should not” drink alcohol. The list of “shoulds” and “should nots” goes on and on. Well I’ve had enough of it. What I decide to do is no concern of anyone, as long as I’m living my life ethically and morally and not causing harm to another person.

Now as a mother, the list of “shoulds” is enormous! I “should” create a schedule and routine for my baby. I “should not” let him eat hot dogs or macaroni and cheese. I “should” spend 6-8 hours a day playing with my child. I “should not” have a pet around my son. I “should” stay home with my son. I “should” go to work so I don’t waste my mind.

Frankly, I “should” stop listening to nonsense and follow my own rules. What works for me may not work for others and it’s perfectly acceptable to accept that. We can agree to disagree. We should support each other, not attack each other.

I think the Queen of Spain is 100% correct when she says, “We’re being discredited by our own kind.” It sickens me to think that I’m being attacked by my fellow woman rather than celebrated for my achievements. Whether I work in a big office downtown or in my home as a mother, I should be praised not patronized. And I should praise other women for their accomplishments as well. Our differences should be appreciated not exploited.

Posted by Dana @ 8:44 am • Feminism